rules to dating and why you should ignore them
Everyone knows that when you meet someone, flirt and swap numbers that many folks have a pattern. Generally you have to wait two days (roughly) to ring them and set up a date. You can’t set up a date for that night instead you have to put it about three days or so later and then it’s only the usual’s. Coffee, food, a drink etc. If that goes well you end with an arbitrary comment like “This was fun.” and/or “We should do this again.” and then you arrange a second date, you may expect something more suited to your personal tastes, a reflection of the fact you listened to them when you were chatting. A third date may follow and why shouldn’t it after the first two were a success and groomed for you? Here many folks suggest the perfect ending is to kiss or even fuck for the first time.
I’ve heard this formula time and time again. Fuck right off.
The problem is that you push very quickly to a generic approach to dating that becomes formulaic almost robotic. Now of course the journey may be slightly different to this, may alter in content but some of you will have it defined and mapped out to the letter and you are the people I’d love nothing more than to sit down and slap viciously across the face. Just one sudden, stinging red hand to the chops before I scream in your face “stop it, live a little.”
I met a girl in a bar, invited her to another bar, we went there and made out, I went to hers and we fucked. The next day I took her for coffee, we fucked again that day before meeting up two days later. I don’t know how many dates that covers but it was the unconventional start that requires no premeditated rule and lasted several months. If you want a lengthier commitment, my friend met his girlfriend in a threesome! “I didn’t even have the biggest cock” he told me “No he didn’t” she agreed. They went to a party and after a few drinks ended up in bed together within 20 minutes of meeting each other. That was 7 years and 3 children ago. Now you may not dream of meeting your true loves eyes for the first time as they are partially masked by another man’s hairy testicles dangling in the way and I’m aware of that, but the point is those two wouldn’t be together were it not for that. They didn’t take a conventional approach and they just liked each other. “I called him the wrong name a few times and now we have children.” Maybe not the greatest story to tell your children but fuck it…I’ll tell them if they don’t.
The task at hand is to snap you out of the way you believe life must fall around you. There isn’t order to everything and you are not in control of how others behave nor how you relate to another person. You can only discover it. If you find yourself going down a road and you’re happy to keep going then carry on. Don’t try and label it or ask where you’re going nor what is at the end of it. If something pops up and you don’t like the look of it you can easily confront it then or take another road. This is all an unintended metaphor as words spill out of my head and probably more suited for relationships than meeting someone new but I think I’m going to stand by it. Meet someone, fuck them, get there number or whatever you wish to do and please stop worrying about the correct procedure to follow. This is what happens when you go aimlessly through these things and I have to tell you, it’s a lot more relaxed and endlessly fun.
I do get it when people tell me they don’t like to rush into things because they’ve been fucked over in the past and I’m not suggesting you hurt yourself just asking that you make dating slightly more organic. Take away the rules, the waiting periods and all that and you’re left with some alternatives that you enjoy more.
Also, the next time you set up a date, especially a first one, do something completely different. Take the two of you to a zoo, or feed ducks. I once took a girl to play a massive game of hide and seek to find me. It’s random and I threw in a few surprises by getting my mates to do things as she was passing by (I had to buy a few pints but it was worth it) like walking up to her and giving her clues to where I was some were false clues just to make it more fun. Now and then I’d text her to tell her she was getting colder or warmer. It was born out of boredom of the thought of having to go for a coffee with her and the fact I was with friends just before I met with her.
Look at dating as I look at training. If you don’t like the results you’re getting then do things differently. Start today.