12/15/2012 (8:47pm) 1 note

new toys old vices

Papa Cheeky has a new hands-free device for his mobile phone. This is a big deal for him as anyone who knows him will be able to tell you, he always has this thing in his ear just like the one he had before. Walking around, this 63 year old with a piece of black plastic, highlighted by it’s flashing bright blue light. “Robodad” I once nicknamed him as he never took the fucking thing off. This new one he has has a deliciously unique feature, it calls the last number dialed at random and the other person has the misfortune of hearing whatever my father is doing and no matter how loud you shout down the phone at him he doesn’t hear you so he continues to allow you to listen in until the device hangs up. Meaning mother cheeky got to listen to a 17 minute conversation he had with another woman whilst he was driving her somewhere in his car, which included the following bullet points…

- “No I’ll drop you down the lane.”

- “It’s ok, I don’t mind, it will look suspicious if I drop you on the corner.”

- “Is that him? Is that him (Husband) in the window?

- “I love you.”

- “I love you too.”

…great purchase there dad.

Let me explain something about my folks. Mum is 67 she got herself a toyboy 4 years younger than her. They were 38 and 34 when I was born and by the time father was 41, he had stopped living with us and had moved in with a nurse at the place he worked. They aren’t together now but that was 22 years ago. He stopped seeing her. He has never moved back home. My parents are still married.

Now you can argue various reasons why my mother has never divorced him. The shame of it, her Catholic beliefs, she didn’t want to upset her children or something quaint like the fact she still loves him. I don’t know. It isn’t talked about. All I know is seeing her suffer for 3 quarters of my life is the single most upsetting part of me. He has occasionally tried to make it up to her but throughout it all he has been the same cunt. And now there is proof with this other woman.

I get why people cheat, just about. I don’t think it’s something you can rationalise with common sense or intelligence because I don’t think either of those things are in the persons mind when they cheat. Instead I think they focus on not focusing and make decisions based on how horny they feel without taking other people into account. That’s right isn’t it? I’m probably not describing it well for most of you and if I’m honest I don’t know how to describe it with any accuracy because whilst I kind of ‘get’ it, I don’t get other aspects. For instance how can you not divorce someone who spends over two decades separated because they’re a cunt? How can you knowingly hurt someone you’re supposed to love…twice? How can you jeopardize losing all contact with your three children especially when the youngest is only 7 and will grow up to be one sexy bastard? The real problem is that this isn’t cheating is it? The first time was an affair and he’s been seeing this woman long enough for them to declare their love for each other. An affair takes consideration but when you aren’t spending time with your wife because you sleep in your other house anyway I guess there is more freedom.

This post isn’t really about me. I’m hurt but more for my mother. I know nothing will change between them. If they got divorced I’d welcome it. I still love the two of them but I’ve a definite bond with her over him…probably because I’ve had to sit with her at her most depressed and though I see him every day, he was never here at night, didn’t sleep in the house and still doesn’t. I love her a lot more. She told me she’s had it out with him, wiped the floor and said things she never thought she would. I don’t doubt her, she had 20 years pent up frustration to throw at him and why should the cunt deserve any mercy? I’ve been asked to say nothing to him, to my brother or sister and keep it to myself. I’m good at that (even though there are literally hundreds of people who may read this) it’s one of the best qualities about me that I can keep a secret like nobody else you know. In all fairness, I don’t know what the post is about, I guess it’s just interesting. The guy my mother has stood by for so long without earning that loyalty has once again taken a huge shit on her and were it not for the last hands free ear piece packing up, he wouldn’t have bought a new one, that wouldn’t be faulty, my mother wouldn’t have known and his excuses of “it’s not that serious, I’ve only seen her a few times” wouldn’t have seen the light of day.

I had a dream a year ago, that my father had died and at his funeral I met the woman he’d had the affair with and she was sat where I thought my mother should be, I’d know for the first time what she looked like. Does this dream now have to change? Will I see two women sat there? Maybe a whole fucking row of women. Maybe there will be two funerals, one for family and one for conquests. Who knows, I could meet a step brother, or a step sister…maybe I already have and I’ve fucked her? Shudder shudder shudder. I don’t think it’s too far fetched to think he’s had a double figured tally of women on the side…if he’s anything like me he’d pick up women with ease.

I’m going to end this post just as I began it, with no clear purpose. One thing I do know is that I still owe certain things to my dad. I know I can’t cheat on a person I love, I know I don’t want to be married but certainly if I’m just going to be unhappy and I see the way I want to treat others when I see his alternative.

The troubling thing is my mother always tells me “You know, you’re very similar to your father. You have the same behavior. You’re just like him in so many ways.” and I don’t know how to handle that. It scares the shit out of me.


#Daddy Issues#relationships#Cheating#Affair#Head Fuck

4/11/2012 (3:40pm) 1 note


Anonymous asks

i’m attracted to my soon to be brother in law and i don’t know what to do. i kinda liked having him as a crush until recently. He’s real sporty an d always wears these tanks to show off his arms and i turned red just thiking about them. last week, my fiance and i were out drinking and when we got in he went straight to bed and i was left with his brother. we ended up fucking on the couch and now he keeps texting me. what do I do?

I started reading this and didn’t think you were going to tell me you’d fucked him. I was expecting this to be a harmless crush story in which case I would have said it was just that. Harmless.

Recently I was told to go easier on people who’ve cheated. Now I don’t accept the idea that I’ve been that tough on cheaters directly so I don’t see why I should change…you know you’ve done wrong, I know it so I don’t see the need to shy away from the fact and treat you with kid gloves as I consider that approach to be more patronising than any other. I shall however approach this first from your side.

I get why your fiance’s brother would be tempting. Nothing to do with aesthetic benefits but it’s naughty. It’s naughty to harbour feelings for those we shouldn’t. I get it. I’ve had thoughts about cousins, sisters, mums and friends of people I’ve dated and on several occasions I’ve slept with them when the relationship ended out of misplaced and twisted emotional issues. I get the flirting aspect. That’s one thing people don’t talk about as often as they should. Flirting while in a relationship with other people is fine…it happens. Most of the time partners don’t find out and we allow it to lift us for the day and forget about it later. A crush on someone closer is tougher to manage but can be fine when done in front of the one we love providing they are confident enough to deal with it. Flirting and crushes don’t have to be the end of anything that we hold permanent.

Pleasantries over.

You’ve cheated. On a man you’re marrying no less. This means it’s not a small relationship but a future you’ve jeopardised and worse, you don’t show any regret or real apology. You possibly do but from reading your message I couldn’t find any. I’m not sure what the help is that you’re looking for.

Do you…

Want to continue with your fiance?

Keep sleeping with the brother?

Hide the infidelity?

Find the easiest way of breaking up the relationship?

Stop the brother texting you?

I wouldn’t know where to start with any of them.

I guess you should begin by working out what you want from your fiance. Do you still love him enough not to cheat on him again? If you do and you want to be with him then you have two options.

The first and I think decent one is to tell him everything. I get why that’s an issue. It’s not just the two of you but his brother, his own family that gets hurt. It isn’t the greatest of positions to be in but I believe you owe it to him if you care about him. The hardest part for you is he may very likely throw you to one side, not forgive you and you’ll be left alone. That is his call and you have to deal with it if that’s how he feels. You could do this without mentioning the brother if you think it’d be easier on him, just call it a fling with someone from some other part of your life but it won’t happen again.

Then there’s the other option. You do nothing. You end it with the brother and go about life with your man without telling him a thing but if he finds out, and cheated people tend to discover these things, you’ll be in a world of shit. You risk losing everything not to mention the levels of paranoia you’ll experience every time you see him chatting to his brother or the awkwardness you’ll feel around them both.

Either option will cause you severe mental anguish. Good luck.

One thing I noticed about your message was the amount of times you described the brother and mentioned your fiance. It was a landslide for the brother. I got the image of this sporty type with big arms and you going gooey over him each time he’s near. Your infatuation with him doesn’t seem over, far from it. It seems the first chance you found you fucked him while your partner was in bed. I didn’t read words along the line of “I’ve made a terrible mistake” but just asking what you should do next. I realise that his brother isn’t innocent in this but that doesn’t excuse any of your actions. What is he texting you? He wants to fuck again? He feels guilty? He wants to discuss what you’re going to do about it? If you don’t reply you face the possibility that the brother will spill everything anyway and then you’re still buggered. Probably a good idea to speak with the brother. Like now!

At the end of the day, you don’t have to do anything but no matter what you do; I feel you’re slightly fucked! I hope in all this that your fiance gets the life and person he deserves. That could be you if he agrees but it’s up to you to be the brave person and deal with this. Prepare for hard times and behave accordingly.

I hope you are remorseful and not merely worried for your own neck. And if you think I’ve been tough on you then you probably shouldn’t cheat on someone you’re engaged to! Try and look after yourself because I don’t want you hurting yourself anymore than this already has. Just work out what you want and do the decent thing.

Good luck and I do mean that.


Any advice for her?

#Question#agony aunt#relationships#sex#seduction#cheating

2/8/2012 (3:01pm) 3 notes

don’t know what I’m missing

I’m morally flexible. This is well known.

I’ve taken drugs, smoked, drank heavily. I’ve had sex, a lot of it with different partners…at the same time on occasion. I’ve kissed men, I’ve punched people, I’ve broken bones. I’ve done many things others wouldn’t do or couldn’t do and I mostly did them knowing they were wrong. Wrong is an odd term because it’s mostly subjective. Some people say certain actions are warranted in certain situations and therefore ‘wrong’ is subjective. If you can look back at your own actions and disagree with them without the help of anyone else outlining your mistakes, you know those actions were ’wrong’ for you. In that respect, I’ve been wrong. We all have.

Someone asked me yesterday where I get my morals from if I don’t believe in any God. I won’t get into all the issues I had with the question nor shall I boast about all the good things I believe I do but the crux of the matter is this, I don’t need to shout about a moral high ground where I see myself because I don’t particularly deserve one. I don’t think anyone does. What we all have the capacity to do is reject actions either because we disagree with them or we shun the thought of hurting ourselves or anyone else.

So. There’s a guy I know. You could see him as a rival to my debauched nature as the two of us have ‘indulged’ equally over time. We’re friends with a mutual friend and have ended up at the same tables drinking and talking about women. We’ve both slept with the same people, we’ve both slept with someone the other has wanted to but there are differences in our approach. I don’t lie to get women into bed…lie is a harsh word, let’s just say I’m honest about it. This is brought further to light by the fact he has been in a relationship for many years and has cheated since the first week.

Now I’m not going to tell her because it’s none of my business. I don’t know the girl and I’m positive by this point at least one of her friends will have told her already about his amorous habits. The act was put to me though, why wouldn’t I cheat? As morally flexible as I am it is what people expect of me when we chat about my past and my disregard for the boyfriend/husband/in-between of the woman in my bed. I can’t ever tell someone their wrong just because I wouldn’t do it…it doesn’t offer any conflict to the person. I think they’d have to see it as wrong for themselves and won’t be persuaded by you or I. I wouldn’t be persuaded. Here’s a question, if we take impositions of subjective morality out of it, is it possible to excuse cheating? Are you fucking kidding me?

The answer is no. There’s the other person you’d hurt, your devoted who has placed trust in you. Subjective morality is superseded when you risk the happiness and well being of a person you care about. It must be other wise why are you with them? No one will ever convince me that a person can cheat on and love someone, it can’t be done. If you cheat, you’re as good as saying this relationship is over and even if you don’t recognise that you should be wrapped up in guilt. I know some will read this and point out that if you have no moral issues in the first place then they’ve taken the other persons feeling into account and are probably still fine with it. While I don’t agree and would argue that the person hasn’t thought of anyone other than themselves, I’ll say you’re right for now. So the question remains, with all ethics aside, why wouldn’t I cheat?

I’m sat with this guy and he asks me this. At the time I was with my ex girlfriend and I shrug and explain how I couldn’t do it to the person I loved and seeing as I loved her I had no interest in cheating. Beyond that I didn’t have any reason. He replied…

You don’t know what you’re missing.

What am I missing? Sex with someone else? It’s only a thrill for me when the sex I’m currently having isn’t that great. I’m having a great time. So what am I missing? He told me I was missing out on fun so I went further…what fun can be had with your girlfriend that is inferior to that with a stranger? Is your girlfriend less adventurous in bed? Even if she is have you asked her to do these things? Without these things are you unable to reach orgasm? There are many questions that I find a lack of validity in asking because I know what it it I’m supposedly missing. It isn’t the sex, it’s the flirting, the banter, the whole journey of a one night stand has very little to do with the sex but more to do with the lead up to it…is that what I miss from not cheating? I’d argue that’s the thrill of it or at least I imagine it is.

If that was all you were after I’d get it in a way. You seek the thrill of knowing you can still seduce someone from scratch and it is an empowering feeling.

Enough dancing around the subject. We’ve removed ties of morality we’ve removed the chase aspect and we’ve taken a great deal of liberties by discarding either in the first place. I don’t miss these in a relationship as there are ways to spice anything up. I am missing nothing…wait…that’s not true…

Imagine spending all your time with someone you love, someone you’ve cheated on. They don’t know about it but what if someone told them? You’d have to have a lot of trust to think your friends wouldn’t say anything but how do you value the idea of trust? You’re in a relationship, this should be the example of trust but you broke it yourself so you can’t see trust a friends loyalty can you? What about the folks who aren’t friends? What if the person you fucked has talked to people? You’re not guilty but aren’t you scared of getting found out? It will probably happen, each time your phone goes and your beloved wants to see you, aren’t you going to wonder if she knows something?

Ahh but Cheeky, my girlfriend knows I’ve cheated and she’s forgiven me…

So what now? She’s forgiven you…I go back to your thoughts on trust. Not only have you shown a lack of care for trust but now she knows how little you view it…how much can she really trust you now? Even if you’re forgiven, don’t you spend time together thinking that she may be lying? Are you really forgiven? More likely you’d spend a great deal of time wondering if she will return the favour and cheat on you. She may even do this if you haven’t told her, if she didn’t know.

Either way, and look I may be misinformed, I see two very distinguishable outcomes, both riddled with paranoia. With all those tricky guilt, morality, selfless thoughts aside, I don’t think I’m missing anything.



1/26/2012 (9:18pm) 7 notes


Anonymous asked

If I want to cheat how should I do it? xxx

Simple answer for this one. Don’t!

If you have desires for a person other than your current beau that make you want to indulge in physical relationships of any kind with said new person so much that you are asking the best way to do this then you shouldn’t be in a relationship.

This isn’t a knee jerk reaction, you are painfully scheming and finding a way to do this. I can’t decide if you have a particular person in mind or you would happily conduct an affair with anyone, void of specific ongoing attraction but merely to cheat.

I’m assuming you have someone in mind or you’re incredibly heartless. There is never a reason to cheat if you feel you need to plan it. Why are you with your partner? I think you love them/care about them deeply or you wouldn’t question but you’d have done it already. When we are in a committed relationship we have to relinquish certain freedoms such as spending every second with our friends or, oh I don’t know, casual sex with others!

Unless you and your partner have an open discourse in which you equally decide that an open relationship or the odd discretion is acceptable then you have a question to ask yourself…Do I want to stay in an honest faithful relationship with this person? If the answer is no then end it.

I can’t help you plan an affair or teach you how to swindle someone as one day they will find out and you will permanently damage that person.

You cannot have your cake and eat it.


Maybe others can aid you in your deceit?

#agony aunt#Relationships#Cheating#Question

1/22/2012 (3:33pm) 8 notes

juggling morality

"Cheeky, that girls such a slut. Can’t believe she’s fucking you behind her mans back in his appartment. That’s so evil."

Now. You know who you are. The person who sent this directly to me in response to my recent adventures with a mystery blonde. Yes she said she wanted to have a drink with me and took me back to her/their flat whilst her fella was away. You are correct in this fact although saying we were fucking…along with the rest of your message asking if she was bossy demanding positions suggests to me that you aren’t fully up to date with my medical situation. For this reason I would ask you to read my other posts, they’re pretty tasty and even more so when you imagine them narrated in a classy British accent…I’ll even forgive your spelling of ‘appartment’.

But I digress…

The woman I spent Friday night and Saturday morning with is engaged. We did indeed enjoy a racy time together and judging by the pictures she’s text me since I left it appears there will be a repeat performance. Does this make her a bad person?

Yes. She’s cheating on her fiancé with me and even though I can’t put my penis in her (well I could but it wouldn’t exactly be any fun) it’s still cheating…just like he’s doing! You see there are two sides to everything.

Going away for work is only a truly honest reason to leave one’s ‘soon to be’ if “work” didn’t leave voicemails on the couple’s landline asking what dress it should take with her because “work” doesn’t know if they’re leaving the hotel room. Her fiancé goes away for work fairly often and has spent two weekends away at conference’s since the new year. This was explained to me as I questioned the risk of exposure when waking up in another man’s bed with his incredibly hot lady.

They are to marry in May, I imagine this is due to tax reasons. They have a considerable income between them as I witnessed by the interior of their abode chiefly the artwork I looked at in her bedroom while I was tying her wrists.

"She’s pretty. Dark hair, really skinny."

…she later confessed while making me coffee and I sat taking a picture on my phone to reassure her she was equally incredible before telling her “you’ll get no more compliments from me.” and winking.

Now why did I stay so long? I’m enjoying myself and she has a partner, which in my world makes her even sexier. She’s by far the most alluring person I’ve seen since New Years and considering I’m almost constantly turned on these days it makes every opportunity worth indulging. I’ve said it before, I hate cheating and this always offers an issue to me when with someone else’s partner but I am in this instance providing respite for a person initially wronged and aiding to satisfy her revenge.

I cannot judge her for wanting to spend time with me. I’m a catch. I kiss amazingly, tease, give great head, use my hands and toys better than anyone you know. I can also hold a conversation, am easy on the eye and give tremendous back rubs…if I were going to cheat be it for revenge or concupiscence or just to enjoy my last few months of semi single life, I’d choose me!

Call her a slut if you wish to. I’d feel far easier if you attacked my morality as it is without doubt being called into question on this one. Either way I don’t really care, she’s sent me a snap of her in stockings.

This concludes any mention of blonde girl again in any great detail…unless my penis suddenly works again any time soon.



1/5/2011 (6:28pm) 2 notes

Growing up green

Hello you saucy people you. I was very recently approached by another tumblr called nameandshame and was asked to contribute to their blog. This is a blog that talks about cheating and as a person who thinks his opinion to hold a great deal of weight, I dilligently obliged. This, therefore, is my first post about cheating.

Cheating is a perplex and ephemeral sentiment that once you have found yourself guilty of it, the repercussions are endless. I have never cheated on anyone; I find the act itself tremendously vile and feel nothing but sympathy predominantly for the victim and after consideration for the guilty party.

My first encounter with cheating came when I was very young, Seven years old I believe. I remember my father had stopped spending the night in the house and I recall moments when my mother would stand at the door to kiss him goodbye as he drifted off into the dark night, so I assume this was winter time. Being a curios young scamp I asked why my father wasn’t sleeping in the same bed as my mother she replied “He is sleeping closer to work.” A lie that holds great irony because he was closer to work, chiefly the nurse from work whom he was fucking every night so with a great deal of dramatic license he was indeed keeping his home life separate to his work one.

I however lived in a state of bliss for the time being, blissfully unaware that this was occurring. My mother’s flimsy elucidation proving succinct for my young mind, which was far more concerned with football (soccer if you are unaware I’m British) and wrestling but pertaining a probing mentality has its drawbacks, you start to question everything. Here I was, faced with a television set in the living room filled with images of cheating and various naff soap operas portraying the opposite side where people felt hurt and angry. I don’t remember being immediately sure about it but I twigged somewhere between the original desire to quiz my mother and seeing congruent warnings on the tele, that my father was indeed having an affair, maybe I knew before I asked, that’s probably why I asked in the first place.

It wasn’t until I was Ten years old that the truth finally was spewed out. How so long? Very simple, I was green and gullible, my mother had told me that he had moved away and that had to be the case, there was no way my mother would lie to me. They both still wore wedding bands and were indeed still married but no sex; it was a sexless marriage, which it was for my mother anyway. It was at this age I heard my mother and sister arguing and my mother came out with it, her voice roaring in a tone I could not have placed as her own

“Your father is sleeping with another woman every night, how do you think that makes me feel?”

And now for the truly remarkable moment. Are you ready for this? I still refused to believe he was cheating! My mother said sleeping and maybe that’s all they were doing, him and whoever this woman was. Sleeping in a bed together, side by side and without a single physical sensation passed between them. A few months later, after I’d put it out of my mind and shut it right back down inside me, they argued again and I heard the same line only the words had changed.

“Your father is fucking another woman every night.”

Concrete evidence, case closed and verdict ready. There was no denying this anymore, even if I may have attempted to. My father was a cheat and due to my parents nonsensical devotion to Catholicism they were still wed and remain so…2 decades later. That’s 20 years since my parents have consummated anything, I know full well they’ve shared a bed since then but only when its new years eve and my dad has a drink or two too many with her and then sleeps in the bed or occasions similar to that where spending a night with her makes more sense than hobbling off to catch a taxi or a plethora of busses to get away.

An extreme case of course but if there’s one thing more powerful than the fear I was instilled with from my Roman Catholic rearing it’s simple. I’ve seen my parent’s saunter through 20 years of unhappily married existence, seeing each other every day, saying goodbye every night and living each of those days in regret. I can validate for them, it looks like hell.

I’m positive some of you can look at my mother and ask why she didn’t divorce him, I’m sure you can look at my father and call him a horrid word or two and you’d be completely justified. I wouldn’t hate you for doing it and I wouldn’t stop you because I probably agree. His affair hasn’t lasted, it ended years ago but he never moved back because he’s stubborn. I think they’ve done what they thought was best for me and my older brother and sister, one thing I do know is their religion has made it impossible to accept the mistake and leave it behind, Catholics are good at spending a life time living with mistakes and never letting go.

I apologise, I ramble on I know, but it has to be said or I won’t get anything out ever. This was my first brush with cheating and after being not just a bystander but someone also tarred by the horridness of it all, I too consider myself a victim and can safely say one thing without ever having to question myself or reevaluate, I am incapable of cheating.

Cheekyguy x


12/29/2010 (7:48pm) 2 notes

While you were sleeping

It is 19:30 here and right now I have been awake since 5:00 or there about. Having only drifted off to sleep at some time around 2:30 this is apparently normal behaviour for me. Insomnia is something I have suffered from in varying degrees for as long as I can remember and is clearly psychosomatic as it only ever affects me when I’m in bed alone. Most people contribute this to me lacking in a healthy relationship resulting in a need for comfort at night where my lonely state can manifest thoughts so worrying that they subject the thinker to a night-time of contemplation. This is only a half truth, sometimes of course I can feel alone in my bed but most of the time, it just comes down to boredom.

I have refused any medication in the past because the thought of becoming dependant on it truly does strike fear into me. In the past when I have been offered it I did on one occasion say yes, tried it once and didn’t ever take it again. Flurazepam rocked my fucking world that night; I took it and shot straight to sleep waking up the next morning in a tarn of sweat because my body hadn’t moved once from the foetal position. Use it again? Never, it was too late I’d already discovered the adverse side effects it could create and let’s face it, the come down off a pill in a nightclub, although guaranteed is far more pleasurable because at least you will spend that night falling in love with everyone. Side effects to drugs like that I can deal with but the thought of rebound insomnia as a side effect to a sleeping aid was slightly off putting.

Never the less here I was with some mighty fine drugs at my disposal. A good friend of mine would often crush a valium before hitting the hay so I believed in my heart of hearts that others may be interested in a prescription sleeping pill, hell if it made me money I could probably get a repeat prescription. Now I am not a dealer in any way shape or form, even though I have sold some weed to a friend or two down the years, but what else was I supposed to do with the stuff? Sorry doctor, I’ve read through dozens of pamphlets, websites, a medical journal and I’ve contacted several other doctors regarding the side effects, therefore I’ve made my obsessively mistrustful little mind up and am inclined to return these drugs for further consumption by a patient less paranoid than I. No, I kept hold of them.

Simon, a friend of mine from work invited me to a house party roughly a month after this and I still had these tablets, so I decided it was time to take them with me and see if anyone there wanted them. On arrival it was clear I didn’t know anyone here, the friend that invited me was fucking some girl in his bedroom and I was left to mingle with a few people I recognised and many people I didn’t. Searching through my pockets I discovered the sleeping tablets, one gram of coke and a pill with the symbolic image of Mickey Mouse’s ears on one side. Ignoring the fact I was an officers wet dream for one second I debated if Disney knew some drug fiend somewhere in the world was using their beloved mouse on ecstasy tablets. Do they know about this? Are they the one’s distributing it? Are you meant to take a pill each time you watch a Disney film to enhance your emotions whilst watching talking animals? On a separate aspect, if you’ve ever wondered what walking into a Disney shop would feel like whilst on ecstasy or mdma, don’t. It’s fucking horrible hearing High School Musical pumping out of a tiny plastic doll and having it in your head whilst you ride the bus home. That being said, Disney should probably get on this and start marketing the stuff.

I waited before I took the pill, as soon as I saw it I remembered having another in my wallet and it’s lovely to share. Instead I opened this tiny bag up, pulled out my national insurance card and proceeded to roll a note before grabbing a beer. Some more advice, if cutting up coke do not use your bank card or driver’s licence, these are apparently the two cards they check for coke in the UK, or so I was told.

As I walked through the horde it was immediately clear that they were an ok bunch of people. Fairly mixed, guys to girls and everyone was pretty interesting to talk to. There was a person studying to be a solicitor chatting with an artist about the state of the government and the hope that the Conservatives wouldn’t regain power…this was a few years ago, the two of them must be distraught, I joined the debate, the solicitor immediately breaking off to speak with someone else thus leaving me concerned that I was to be stuck in a conversation I couldn’t retreat from and he had used me as a flimsy excuse to evacuate. I was just contemplating this social predicament, hunting for a person to offload the artist male to when the solicitor returned, with a female.

“Hi, I’m Sam. Who are you?”

“Simon’s friend, he invited me”

“I’m Jack’s lady, you’ve met him right?”

She motioned at the solicitor. He was Simon, my friends house mate, Sam was Jack’s girlfriend and I really wanted to have sex with her. I had one line of coke in me and, accustomed as I used to be with coke, I knew never to sniff after leaving the toilet. If people are unaware of the effects of coke they may not be aware of you sniffing a great deal but will almost certainly spot your paranoia. Don’t sniff you won’t be paranoid then the only other point to deal with is the surge of confidence that you feel. As you can imagine, when you mix this chemical fact with someone like me, with the audacity I have on a daily basis, it creates a new level of super confidence. An echelon of daring so towering that it just isn’t fair.

“Sam!” I said after a moment or two involved in this discussion


“Come with me, we’re getting a drink.”

“Uhh…yes ok.”

She headed towards the kitchen I followed. She had wavy shoulder length brunette hair with a black jumper on above a small white skirt with black tights on underneath. It was a very casual party and as her boyfriend had a room here she was barefoot.

“What are we drinking?”

“What would you like to drink Sam?”

“I don’t know, but I’d love some coke.”

Shit, she was onto me, maybe they all are. I tried to act casually and deny it.

“And why would I have coke?”

“Cos I heard you in the bathroom. You have any left? I’m dying here, Jack can’t stand the stuff.

I grabbed her by the hand and took her straight into the bathroom, closing the door behind her and almost squeezing her past me. The room wasn’t very wide and as much as I wanted her I was tentative to brush anything up against her. So I made great effort to manoeuvre my body out of her way so she could get in behind me. However, seeing as we were in this confined space and I had something she wanted, I made a move.

“So you want a line?”

“Uhh huh”

“Ok, but give me a kiss first.”

My train of thought was simple. Try your luck and you may get a kiss at her boyfriends own party, if she says no you can always apologise and if she tells her boyfriend you can just leave telling him it was a misunderstanding and if she still wanted drugs it wasn’t an issue, safe in the knowledge that she didn’t want her boyfriend, Jack to know. None of this mattered, because as soon as I suggested it she pulled my head towards her and proceeded to force my lips apart with her tongue.

The kiss was horrible; she was a terrible kisser, very inaccurate and wet, like I assume kissing a Labrador would be. She pushed my jacket off my shoulders and started to pull my jumper up over my stomach going straight for my jeans before suddenly stopping.

“Quick, get out. Someone’s coming.”

With that I was forced out onto the landing door shut slowly but precisely in my face till it shut. I had just enough time to pull my jacket back in order when I looked behind me and Jack was walking up stairs.

“Have you seen Sam?”

“I’m in here.”

She shouted through the door before flushing the chain and exiting.

“Right this way, I’m just showing him Simon’s room and taking his jacket. Also babe, is it ok if we do a bit of coke?”

“Yeah ok, but not in the bedroom.”

She had done this all before; she was too good at lying and coming up with excuses. He walked downstairs as she said to me, “Later, ok?”I nodded; she took some coke off me, sniffed a bit off her finger then put it back. Gave me a sloppy kiss on the lips before making a short “hmm” sound and grabbing my cock through my jeans. “Throw the jacket in there and come back down.”

I complied and spent most of the night wondering what the fuck was going to happen. I resigned myself to leaving her in charge of it all and refused to make any signals or push it any further. When you’re as anxious as I feel on this stuff it’s not a great virtue, patience. Why can’t we fuck now? I needn’t have worried, it was going to happen.

Somewhere around 5 in the morning I had disposed of close to 7 bottles of beer and sill had no correspondence with my friend. Almost everyone had left and I had wangled my way into the middle of all topics, the centre of attention and my sense of self was truly elated. I was the source of all talk and was holding the floor with everyone clambering to chat back to me but people were now tired and had started to fall asleep dotted around the living room. Jack told me it was fine as he was an insomniac and couldn’t sleep as was Sam…I knew in my pocket was a small prescription bottle of flurazepam, the only drug on my person not illegal and in my name. “Me too” I said, “Why don’t you take one of my sleeping pills?”

As he thanked me and put it in his mouth I gave one to Sam who took it whilst shaking her head, as I was about to swallow mine I looked over to see her open her mouth and had the tablet under her tongue. I spat mine back into the bottle.

“Right, with this in me, I’m fucking off to bed, you coming Sam?”

“Yep, it was nice to meet you.”

She left secretly discarding the tablet out of Jacks line of vision but blatantly for me to see. I waited for fifteen minutes or so and walked up stairs knocking on the door of the room where my jacket was before opening it and seeing the two of them in bed, Jack fast asleep and her naked, on top of the covers playing with herself. I gestured for her to come with me but she had other, far more interesting ideas. I made my way to the bed, lay beside her and started to kiss her again moving her hand away and offering mine before taking off my clothes, offering her the Disney and fucking her right next to him.

The sex was some of the most interesting I’ve ever had. Although we weren’t going that hard at first the intensity of doing this in the first signs of daylight while he was right beside us was so electrifying that it made for some really hot dirty talk on my part. It was too much for us and we ended up going for it with her clinging onto the sheets and headboard trying not to touch him with each thrust as I moved to the side of the bed and slammed into her from behind pulling her hair and gripping her by the mouth, muffling her moans and orgasm. It didn’t last long and I came inside her, pulled out, removed the condom got dressed and went downstairs where I was joined 3o minutes later by her also fully dressed with a cup of tea for the two of us both smiling as we sat and enjoyed the ecstasy trip not thinking for one second about the impending comedown.

A week later I went back around and was confronted by Jack telling me those sleeping tablets were great and that Sam had fallen asleep even before he did. Though he had to confess it did give him a weird dream where he was being knocked about on a rugby pitch. Wonder what that was?

Cheekyguy x