Cheekyguy

Duplicity

Some of you may have read my post from several months ago expressing my issues with pornography (http://cheekyguy.tumblr.com/post/4396010424/porn) and even though reading them back now, finding them slightly less articulate than I’d imagined I stand by them. In essence, I always have concern for the performers enjoyment, both male and female.

Even though I have met and fucked people from all walks of life with all manner of fetishes and don’t doubt for one second that there are indeed folk out there who would enjoy having sex on camera in return for money and public consumption, I will never believe that every single person who does this is living a life of unbridled joy. For many I would argue feel incredibly cheap and hollow. They work in a profession where their dignity is available at a price and no matter how much control they have over their ‘performance’ the fulfilment they gain from working in an industry that lives solely to offer sexual pleasure to others at the personal cost of those on display must be incredibly unedifying. On this basis, I don’t watch porn and I don’t get turned on by it.

I expressed this sentiment again recently in the real world as I stumbled upon a recent ‘challenge porn’ conversation and became engulfed accordingly. Mid way through my opinion I was rebuffed with the following…

“Sorry but it doesn’t matter what you think about this. You can’t understand the issue as you’re not a woman and will never see it from our point of view.”

Still taken aback as the conversation evolved and shifted topic. The window to express my annoyance with being so rudely dismissed had closed but I expressed it anyway…

“Oh dear. Does the white male have an issue with losing his power in a given situation? Try several centuries of that and you may understand what feminism is about.”

Nobody, no matter how much I respect them, is getting away with talking to me like that.

“I can freely admit to it. I am a white, straight man, I live in a Westernised country and I shall never understand fully what it is like to be any other ethnicity, a woman, from an underprivileged nation nor shall I suffer because of my sexuality, I shan’t suffer for any of those things and I realise fully that I am indeed very lucky for those reasons. However if you think I’m going to allow you to ransom any of those points to bully me out of my opinion or expect that by highlighting them in an attempt to make me feel a sense of shame then you are dreadfully mistaken. My gender and ethnicity has no impact on my ability to comment on the subject even if you insist on hijacking it to impose a sexist agenda and disguise it under the banner of feminism.”

I know I said this, word for word, I have it recorded. I tell you this because for the life of me I cannot think of a single other moment in my life where I have expressed my anger as eloquently.

I do not oppose feminists. I would even stretch as far to say I am one or at least used to be. I find it disgusting that women are not accepted as equal in any walk of life and just try to claim otherwise anywhere in my vicinity and you can await a tirade of vitriol from this not so humble author that will utterly destroy you. The same applies to homophobes, racists or any form of bully out there. This is where I state that more than a feminist I believe I am a humanist and feel nobody should feel lesser than anyone else for another person’s gratification or sense of self worth.

If I told you that ‘having an opinion on testicular cancer could only be entertained if you own a pair and women should shut up because they will never fully understand the issue’ what would that make me? There is indeed an argument in here, you won’t understand a man’s obsession with his own genitalia, its symbol of personal masculinity or the problems encompassed by a man who is threatened with losing them. There is that argument but suggesting that any female opinion is eroneous because of that is deplorable. If I were then to mock you because of this and champion a separate long standing debate in an attempt to alienate you further I would expect no less than you to chastise me for my ignorance, see through my flim-flam for what it really is, prejudice.

I again recently found myself in a similar argument on twitter (@cheekyguy83, shameless plug) and I became so agitated that 140 characters seemed an impossible limit within which I could express myself.

By all means read the conversation.

I wanted to write this post in part to vent and state my point but also to raise the issue. To any woman reading this who believes I’m off the mark and have no idea what I’m talking about. If you believe that my gripes are unimportant and typical, that you find them daily then please take heed. I am not alone as a person, male or female, who feels that topics are seized incorrectly by people with the best intentions but still incorrectly. By pirating opinion without due cause you can only ever diminish the credibility of what you stand for. I see feminists daily hang their heads as they hear sexist remarks spoken in their name and I see men, sexist males, use the tarnished remarks as ammunition to dismiss accurate statements by branding them all with the same brush.

If that’s not clear I apologise and am glad to explain my inarticulate rambling again. I just hate double standards and know that other men not only hate them, but use them to promote their own stupidity. I feel both must stop.

Cheekyguy