just when you thought it was safe to get back into the water
Don’t mean to alarm/upset anyone but I may have been having sex till 5 o’clock this morning and then from 8 till 11 today…and once again in the shower! Which is easy when you know how.
It wasn’t great, I didn’t stay hard the entire time which was an endless source of frustration but still…
Watch this space.
If dating were an Olympic sport I’d be Usain Bolt.
Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon!
pick your battles
An American friend of mine is shocked by the violence in my country. There is something inherently attractive about Americans. Nothing that puts you above any other nation but a certain air of confidence and arrogance, qualities that many find repulsive but I personally relate to. Fuck, if I were a country I too would travel all the way to the moon on behalf of all humans and plant MY flag there completely ignoring all other countries and claiming me as the superior (my flag is a picture of me banging Amber Heard while she’s going down on Zooey Deschanel) but go further and say something truly pretentious. “One small step for man, just an average Monday when you’re cheeky.” and it wouldn’t be free on TV but Pay Per View. Why not? Strut and be proud I believe is a great way to live. There is however no excusing ignorance.
When I’m wrong it doesn’t matter. I’m mailable. We accept our flaws and learn from them in all areas of our life and none more than when we have our facts wrong. Last night a mutual friend suffered severe homophobia on a night bus home. As he went to get off he decided he’d had enough and spat at the guy who then proceeded to lift him up and push him over the rails before kicking him in the face and arm so he fell down the stairs. Unless you’re familiar with the geography of London buses, this is tricky to describe so I apologise if I’ve lost you there. My friend suffered a black eye but nothing more and won’t miss a minute of work. This has though sparked this unique debate with said American. “I haven’t seen that violence back home, nothing like it.” he continued, this doesn’t happen, you Brits are animals etc. etc. etc.
Is it me? I’ve been told by friend in LA. “You don’t take the bus.” admittedly these are the same friends who would give similar warning for those visiting London so maybe exaggerated? I simply don’t know.
I don’t really want to jump at it but gun crimes in America would point to his statement being disingenuous? He said he doesn’t see why our gay friend couldn’t carry a gun and protect himself on the bus from these altercations. However giving Brits guns would make us worse than the States. We’re more violent at our core and we wouldn’t respect guns the same way as Americans do. I paraphrase heavily but you see his stance.
I only write this because in this scattered assault of my nation and denial of his own’s issues he’s missed a valid point. Not just a valid point but what should be ‘the’ point. Homophobia is alive and well along with racism, sexism and all the rest of them ugly words we group hateful things under.
To say these aren’t rife in America is a joke. To say they’re more present in one country than another is absurd. In this day and age should we be having debates about which country is worse or what actions we deplore and have no need of any longer? The fact our friend was attacked for his sexuality is all that matters not the method of the attack nor how pandemic it is in one culture. Any negative response to a persons circumstances be it verbal or physical is just plain wrong and should be stamped out.
I failed to see how his USA is number 1 rhetoric was any use in this discussion other than to promote his own country and serve a sense of patriotism that he holds dear. Patriotism that although I feel at times to be admirable also feeds a section of egotism that makes its owner blind.
I’ve had many fights growing up and I’ve seen many around urban dwellings. I’ve lived on a council estate and I’ve seen true poverty along with all the aggression and anger it can feed, the types of animals it can breed. I understand this isn’t always reflected in all countries and maybe seeing it en mass as you can in particular areas around London may give the witness a shock. However. Saying people in my country are more violent than yours because you’ve been present for a certain act is like me saying Americans are less intelligent than Brits because I’ve been introduced to some. It’s an argument that holds no water. To say it in jest is one thing but to believe it is a sure sign of being clueless.
Everyone can be lovely. Even the twat who hit my friend probably loves his mother…for what it’s worth he probably loves men but denies it. We all have a capacity to do decent things. I guess I’m writing this because in the middle of what was a sickening attack on a friend we got side tracked into a “no my dick is bigger.” argument and I feel a little bad about that.
So today, can we all just look out for each other? Share a little love and respect other people’s way of life? Also if you see a 25 year old man going round London on the busses bragging about kicking a gay man in the face would you let me know where he is? I’d love to have a quiet word with him.
hi…and your name is?
Went to a wedding yesterday. Found the only single/pretty woman there and got her number in less than a minute.
You never lose it.
well done people, we broke language
"Twerking" and "selfie" have been added to the Oxford English dictionary. I read this and wanted to slap everyone but then the word "omnishambles" - coined by the amazing show, the thick of it, has also been added and I got a little hard.
have you seen…
Holy shit Miley Cyrus looks like a skank, what’s she doing? She went too far. Think of the kids and the example she’s setting. What was she wearing or not wearing. Right? RIGHT?
Meanwhile my country and the US are about to drop 100 missiles in 48 hours on Syria. Get some fucking sense of priority Internet.
everyone’s a critic
Have sent roughly 20 folks the first chapter of my book to read.
All I ask is that you’re all ruthless and honest with your criticism of said writing and tell me if you think it’s shit or shit hot.
If others would like to read it then send me your email address and I’ll send you a little bit.
Today’s fact. I am the Heisenberg of poon!
finished the first chapter of my book. All edited and exactly how I want it until I change my mind again. Anyone want to read it?
If I was a women and a ventriloquist I’d play so many tricks on my gynaecologist.
In light of my impending virility, I am inventing a morning after pill for men that will change your blood type.
Which instagram filter do I use to make my father love me?